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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

"If I Have To Love Myself, Tell Me How To Love Me, Whats There To Love About Myself?"


Title: Six Pence None The Richer - "I Can't Catch You"

Well hello there June, how in the world did you get here so fast?

So let's talk serious. About me. & please, whatever you do, don't pity me.
I'm unhappy with myself. I've been unhappy for a long time, mainly with my weight. I'm not talking the normal "I'm a girl & I think I'm fat" kinda thing.
I'm talking about looking in the mirror and never being happy with what I see.
I'm talking about changing my outfit 6 times before going to a party which results in my having a breakdown because nothing looks good.
This has turned into me skipping out on the party because I can't bring myself to leaving the house feeling like I do.

I make comments all the time that seem normal to me. "I'm fat." is the common one. Vito hates it. The other night he finally sat down and said things to me that I needed to hear.

That he loves me for who I am. That I'm beautiful inside and outside. That he doesn't think I'm fat. All the things boyfriends are suppose to say. But there was more.

He told me that he loved me more than anything but even that wasn't enough to make up for the love I needed to give myself. He told me I needed to love me. That if my weight was a problem for me and standing between me loving myself, it was time to do something about it.

He's nothing but right. I complain and hate and exude laziness, but it is only my fault and mine alone that I am not taking steps towards changing it.

Today I've decided it's a good day to start a healthier lifestyle. I've started tracking my calories again, reminding myself to keep chugging that water, and I am going to the gym after work. I'm not changing everything at once but I'm going to start incorporating small changes. & that starts today.

Will it be hard?
No doubt.
Will I fall down?
Often.
Will I get back up and keep going?
Yes.

22 comments:

Anna said...

small changes DO make the difference. My college roomate lost about 20 pounds our senior year by working out 1/2 an hour 5 days a week and eating *reasonably* healthy (aka no deprivations, just no eating a medium pizza by herself) and she has kept it off and gotten into amazing shape! Change comes slowly but don't give up, you can do it! Knowing that you are doing good things for your body is an amazing confidence boost.

Queen Caylor said...

Smart girl, take it slow. You can do it! I'm in your boat and it sucks, but we will prevail!

Jenny said...

You can do it!

Lildonbro said...

I'm proud of you (and Vito for being so awesome)! You can do this!

{ I V Y } said...

nice blog!

Mar said...

Please tell Vito for me that he is an example to all other men out there. And that he may help himself to some extra hagelslag ;)

And I emailed you.

And if you ever need to vent/bitch about all of this - you know where to find me :)

x

Heather said...

Go Vito for being the perfect boyfriend to you :)...all men in the world need to take a lesson for him!!!

I'm here for you anytime you need to talk or vent...I know the whole weight loss thing is hard, but I'm more than 100% sure you can do this :)!!!

Miss Caitlin S. said...

Good job!!! I work out religiously and not because I love working out and not because I have the best body in the world and have no fat (I have tons of fat) but because, everything in my life is better when I exercise. I find that it's the begining that is the hardest, getting into the routine, but once you do and your energy goes up and you start to lose weight- just seriously, everything and I mean everything is better. So good for you! I know when I get off the wagon I have to talk myself up like you are to get back into it so this is the hardest part. Best wishes!!!

Karina said...

I love your blog! I'm totally taking a button.

The I's have it--Ivy said...

I have tears. You are my inspiration today. I admire your already obvious love for life and yourself. It is hard to think of ourselves as worthy but we are.
I know you will be successful. I know you will get back up each time you fall. I know I am a better person for knowing and reading you and your thoughts.
Small steps is always what I hear makes the biggest difference b/c you allowed time to teach yourself discipline and learned to make it enjoyable {eating right can be fun but exercise, ugh, if you find that fun--tell me your secret!}
I try to eat a Mediterranean diet.... with a family of 6, we have many different "likes". Last night was salad and fruit and grilled salmon with olive bread dipped in olive oil. Loved it.

Geesh... I wrote a lot.
Good Luck!
Lean on us friends!

Love you!

Brittany said...

You go girl! I know you can do it!! We're so here for you doll! Just stick with it!! :)

Hope Chella said...

You have a great boyfriend who really cares about your happiness! I'm rooting for you too :)

Also, thanks for your sweet comment on my guest post!!! Made me feel great xoxo

Hope =)

Anna Katrina said...

i really believe that any change small or big is better for you in the long run

love your blog


Anna Katrina
http://passportglamour.blogspot.com

bananas. said...

atta girl! way to stay positive and even motivate others.

i can be the same way...the mirror is often times my least favorite thing but then i have days where i love what i see. i guess it's all part of being a girl.

good luck with your new health lifestyle!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

rooting for you girl...it's day to day, I'm on the same path- but its one little thing at a time :)

Katie said...

You are so inspiring. Weight is something I've struggled with my whole life, and that I'm still trying to overcome (it's been a long, slow, but successful process). You are beautiful, and Vito is awesome! However, if you need any support and someone to talk to, feel free to email me! I have lots of tips, and sometimes it's just nice to have someone to email or text to give you some motivation. You rock girl!

(my email is kbarker2@gmail.com btw :)

Miss Caitlin S. said...

I hope your healthy lifestyle is going well! :)

its simple love said...

It will be hard! No doubt about it! But I love what you wrote here and I think it'd be a good idea to read this post when you feel unmotivated It hits on so many levels. How you are feeling, you lows, and your motivators. It also hits on the fact that it wont all change at once and you can't overwhelm yourself. I love what you said here. You are strong, this has encouraged me to be the same!

Rachael

Meghan O said...

i hope it's all working out for you girl! you have that wonderful vito around for you which is soo great! here if you ever need a distraction, we can talk city of glass =)

Annie Cristina said...

I can relate to this post in every single way. One of my projects this summer is to work on me -- from the inside out. So if you ever need someone to talk you down (or up!), I'm here for you, girl. Know that you are beautiful, in every way. :) *hugs*

amanda leeann said...

girl, you can do it. i'm right there with you, and we can do it.

i'm so glad vito is so honest and loving with you - you deserve the best for yourself :)

if you need me, you know where to find me!

Ashton Dene' said...

I won't even lie. I'm jealous you have a Vito to give you that talk. Because most days I would kill for that.

Good luck on your journey, I'm here for you whenever you need some motivation or love.

xx