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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

10 Holiday Eating Tips

I found this list over here and thought you would all enjoy it!

10 Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat step #3.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello!

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table--like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa--position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over. But hurry--January is just around the corner!

P.S. Please don't forget to ask me all the questions you want to know about me!


Elizabeth said...

Haha! I celebrated Christmas a little last night and went home absolutely miserable I ate so much food.

Kellie said...

Haha! I love it! I live by these rules every holiday season. Is that a good thing? Probably not.. do i care? Nope!

And thanks for the comment on my post. I couldn't imagine being 1,000 miles away from him. That's crazy.

Meghan O said...

I'm thinking of printing this list out and hanging it up at my Christmas dinner on friday. My family will get a kick out of it!!

Jenny said...

HAHA That was great! Merry Christmas!!!!

Lauren said...

This is hilarious! I might have to pass it along :D

amanda leeann said...

thanks for making me giggle! i especially liked number 6 =]

merry christmas!

Amanda said...

Haha love this!

Eat up, my dear (the diet starts in 2010, right?!)

Alexandria said...

This is the story of my life.

I love it. I promise to follow every single rule!

Merry Christmas Vanessa!

Mar said...

Amen, sister friend :)

I will make sure to keep this is mind AND use it as a legit excuse when someone asks why I ate all the cookies!

Merry Christmas, hon!


Sara-Jane Elizabeth said...

Oh, this is perfect!