"I Have You Breathing Down My Neck & I Don't Know What You Could Possibly Expect Under This Condition"

Title: "Dark Blue" - Jack's Mannequin

Over 2 years ago for my 20th birthday, my sister took me to get a tattoo. I had always wanted one but I am deathly afraid of needles. I still whine and go into panic when I have to get shots at the Dr's office. I was the kid that needed all the nurses plus her mom to hold her down just to have the Dr give me a shot. I Hate Needles.

I went with my sister when I was 16 to watch her get her first tattoo. It took hours but it was gorgeous. I finally agreed for my 20th birthday we would both go and get them done. To say that I was scared would but a misunderstanding. I paced the floor waiting for the guy to get set up. I was horrified. The guy's wife was there for a few mins and asked where I was getting mine. I told her and she proceeded to tell me good luck, it really hurts there. WONDERFUL. I fortunately have too much of an ego to back out.

My sister went first and got a little flowered piece with my niece's initials in the vines. It took 30mins. It was small but cute. She was unphased by the needles. When it was my turn, the world started to get dizzy but I laid down with a magazine in front of me and my sister's hand in mine. I ended up getting a heart with a pin k rose on the side of it above my ankle. I made it through the torturous 50mins. It sucked, seriously. If they tell you tattoos do not hurt, they are LYING TO YOU!

Half way through the process, Vito, my brother in law K, and my niece show up to meet us for dinner. It may have been good because even though at one point I wanted to cry because he hit something that shot pain up my leg, my niece, whose was then 3, would have flipped out. I just picture her running over and hitting him screaming "Stop hurting my Essa!" Anywho, I made it through, I loved my new tattoo, and I swore I would never get one again.

Here we are 2 years later and I have the urge to get inked again. Stupid right? I hated it right? Ugh... Why would I be stupid enough to put myself through needles again willingly?! I don't have a sound answer. I like the aftermath. I love my tattoo still and I am ready for a new one. I'm been contemplating it for a few months now and I am not quite sure what I want yet. I have a few images in my mind but I am not very artistic when it comes to drawing unfortunately. I am going to sit down with Vito's best friend, M (he's AMAZING and SUPER talented) and see if I can have him sketch it out by my description.

So to the point of this long entry (I really do have one! Promise!) I sat down to talk to Vito about it last night and well, to put it mildly, he flipped. He doesn't like tattoos or piercings. He said he thinks one is enough for me and I shouldn't get something else just because I want it. He thinks there should be a greater reason behind it. I struggle with this because I do not believe people need elaborate explanations for inking themselves up. Now that being said, I would never just put a random design on me just because.

So we argued that he wants a better reasoning behind getting a new tattoo. I find my reasoning of wanting it and knowing I'll have it for the rest of my life good enough. I struggle with letting him have an opinion because I do plan on marrying him, he will see it everyday and I want him to like it on me too. But on the other side, it is my body. 4 years ago I was handed over my own rights to my body to do with what I please when I turned 18.

After arguing for what seemed like forever, I told him we would revisit this situation if I could even get the design I want. Then I would sit down and talk to him in more depth of what the tattoo represents to me and why it means a lot to have it part of myself. He was not happy, he wanted answers now but I do not have it. It's a crappy situation and I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Ugh!