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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

"I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there through it all"

Title: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: Your Guardian Angel

Today, six years ago, everything in my life changed. Six years ago at this very moment, I was playing the waiting game. Scared, nervous, anxious, excited. Who knew that on July 21st, 2003 the best thing that has ever been in my life would be born? Not me. Today is my niece's 6th birthday. 6 already? I can't believe it, it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. This little girl won my heart over when things in my life were unstable and scary. She single handedly saved my life before she knew how to talk. I am lucky enough to have seen her grow from an infant into this little girl, heading for 1st grade, thinking she is 16.

When she was born, I was living with my sister that summer to escape some of my problems. If my mom would have let me, I would have moved in there, but she made me come home at the end of the summer, but in the last 2 months, I was there to help around the house with my niece. I was there giving midnight feedings, and rocking her to sleep. It might not have always been a glamourous job, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

The day she said "Sessa" was a wonderful day for me. Knowing she knew who I was, well that feelings is indescribable. Now, she still calls me Essa even though she can pronounce my whole name by this point. I secretly hope she always calls me Essa. Something about having a special name, it warms my heart. Nothing makes my day better than her hugs and kisses.

I almost moved once, far away to be with Vito. She was only 3 at the time and she didn't know. We went to Rita's one night and as I was carrying her, she put her arms around my neck and looked up at the sky and told me "Essa, if you ever go away, I'll go to the stars and find you." I didn't move away, I couldn't. Thinking that this little girl would miss me, knowing I'd be missing out on her growing up, it crushed me and I changed my plans for her.

I see her every week now, and if I don't I miss her like crazy. If Vito didn't absolutely adore her, I wouldn't be able to be with him. The moment he melted my heart was the day he sat in her room, with her in his arms, reading her a book. He put his head on top of hers and kissed her head. I cried.

6 years of memories, and so many more to go. I can not wait to see what is in store for her in her life. I'm so excited, but so sad. I feel like I blinked and she is grown. I do not look forward to the day when she doesn't think hanging out with her aunt is cool anymore, where she doesn't look forward to crawling up on my lap and snuggling with me, calling herself my cuddle bug.

Today I celebrate the life of the best thing in this world.
I love you MRD, more than you'll ever know.

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